What could possibly be better than fresh fruit and vegetables? First of all, golf with a gator. Secondly, bacon, cheese, meat, anything that has been cooked (including bacon), and coffee. So if you sit quietly at home each evening watching documentaries on Netfilx about how the average American, or Australian, or European (or anywhere they have fat white people) diet is silently causing you to become fat, sick, and nearly dead, or turning you into a homogenous stalk of genetically modified corn, or pissing on Al Gore’s parade, or making poor people poorer, or doing all sorts of other tortuous things to all the people (and animals) you thought you could ever care about (including yourself)… may I present to you, your future.
You can probably find some reasons not to eat meat or dairy or animal products… or maybe eat less. You can probably find some reasoning not to consume caffiene. You can probably find someone out there that says fresh fruit and vegetables are good for you. You can definitely find some documentaries suggesting that consuming only fresh juices will cure your diabetes cancer. So why not buy a bunch of things that are, in theory, good for you and only consume those for a week (or five days, because weekends are made for beer and bacon). I also figure this should take care of most of the fasting days in Lent and maybe some for next year.
But I come from a family that believes very strongly in the Clean Plate Club (CPC) and when I see the shit that a juicer decides is garbage, I can’t help but remember the beatings I got as a kid for not finishing my lima beans. If you can eat the fruit, why can’t you drink the fruit juice and eat the fruit garbage. What is wrong with fiber? I figure if humans evolved while eating this way, perhaps Funyuns are not our best path forward.
Being a fan of Occam’s razor and disliking waste, juicing was out, so we’ll just blend everything together (clearly more efficient than manual mastication), and drink/eat that.
So that is it, friends. We go to Coscto and buy $120 worth of fruits, vegetables, nuts, and 100% juice not from concentrate (most, but not all, of which is pictured above). I figure a blend of stuff for breakfast, a dressing-less salad for lunch, and some combination of both for dinner… snacking on fruits, veggies, and nuts as required whenever.
I will report on my findings as I find them.
First finding: My sense of smell has improved with respect to other people’s lunches. This makes me angry with them for having such delicious smelling lunches. I’m pretty sure there was a huge all-you-can-eat curry party last night and everyone from my office was invited and they all brought leftovers and they’re all being huge jerks. I want to eat the flesh off their bones.
So far so good.
How about Day 2?